Return of the Invaders

Last night, around 1:00 am, I noticed that my husband, cat, and I were not alone. We had an unwelcome visitor, one that immediately brought back memories of this terrifying night.

Once again we have been invaded.

It always happens late at night, after my husband is asleep. I am bummed, not just because a sleeping husband is unavailable to take care of business (who are we kidding anyway?) but also because I can’t make a lot of noise in my attempts to kill the dreaded bug without waking said husband whose alarm is set to go off in four and a half hours. What a dilemma, what should I do?

This thing is huge and no way can I just ignore it so I run to the kitchen in search of a weapon. I return armed with a flyswatter and the flashlight on my phone. The dreaded bug is on the wall, just above the doorway. I know I must be accurate with my aim because I will only have one chance at getting this right.  If I don’t connect with it directly it will escape death and return to taunt me.

I gather up my strength, hold my breath, and take a mighty swing. Alas, victory is not mine. While my aim was accurate I miscalculated the effectiveness of a flimsy flyswatter against the steel armor of the intruder. All it did was momentarily stun him, after which he spread his wings and flew directly towards the enemy. Me. ACK!

I guess he didn’t get the memo that one is supposed to flee from the enemy, not go into attack mode.  Geeze, what is this, deja vu all over again? It's obvious I've forgotten my previous run-in I had with this guy’s kin.

I held my screams to a small yelp and retreated to the bed. For now the critter was no where to be seen. Maybe I had actually done more than stun him and he’d crawled off to die. Yay! I settle back onto the pillows and prepare to wrap up my nightly bedtime reading. Ahhhhh, if only life were that simple. You know what's coming, right? Moments later I glance up and my stomach does a flip-flop. The dreaded enemy is once again climbing the wall.

I glance over at my sleeping, slightly snoring husband, and sigh. Are we really going through this again? I climb out of bed, grab the swatter, and swiftly run to the wall and deliver a harder, more deliberate blow. Sadly, the results are identical to my first attempt.

Bug -2  Sherri - 0. Husband –still soundly sleeping.  I put away the fly swatter, turn off the phone, climb into bed, and pull the covers up to my chin. I close my eyes tightly and will myself to fall asleep. After a few minutes, as my heart rate decreases, I find myself thinking about sleep.

And then … I hear it. It’s like a scratching sound. Like tiny claws scraping along. That infallible bug is still there and is attempting to climb back up the wall. That’s it! I’m over it. And, I’m out of here!

I know there is no way I’m going to be able to get any sleep as long as I am in the same room as this creature. So, I do the practical thing – I gather up my pillow and high-tail it out of the room. After all there are two other bedrooms in this house, right? Besides, who doesn’t deserve a good night’s sleep after all this?

As I dash out of the room I briefly think of my beloved spouse who conveniently always sleeps through these nightly home invasions. You know what? Who am I to wake a sleeping baby? (Actually when my children were young infants I was known to occasionally rouse them in my attempts to assure myself they were still breathing. Silly, paranoid mom). Anyway, he looks so peaceful, so there he shall stay.

As I drift off to sleep I briefly consider leaving him a note to check his shoes before heading out to work. But, I’m too tired and besides – no way am I going back in that room before daylight!

As I type this I can’t help but wonder if I am destined to repeat this scenario over and over? And also, where is that darn cat in all this and why isn’t she taking care of business for me?
If she would just use her laser eyes this would've been settled right away! 
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My plan was to post this blog early today. Unfortunately my stupid internet provider had other plans. No connection until about an hour ago. Meanwhile you'll be glad to know the dastardly roach reappeared right in the middle of Scandal. This time no one was sleeping and I was able to attack with a shoe and a yell of "ay ya!" Stunned he fell to the ground, and I followed up with a severe beating with the broom. Flattened like a pancake, I scooped him up and tossed him in the toilet. It took two flushes to get him out of my house, but he is gone and tonight I can once again sleep peacefully in my own bed.