For the most part I am a woman of routine. If something isn't a part of my regular routine then there's a good chance it won't get done. If I miss even one day of twice applied cream rubs I notice a difference immediately. Therefore I have to make sure there are set times to apply this miracle cream to my feet.
The obvious first time is in the morning after showering, when I'm applying makeup and drying my hair. Rubbing the cream on my feet before doing all the other stuff allows plenty of time for it to dry before getting dressed. I then go merrily about my day.
The next obvious time would be at night just before climbing into bed. The liberal nighttime applications allows plenty of time for the cream to soak in and soften these rough tootsies.
But for me, nothing is ever as easy as it should be. My bedtime routine has been a tricky one to maintain for several reasons. First of all I obviously have to bare my feet before applying the cream, the key word being "bare." I don't know about you but to me "winter" and "bare feet" shouldn't go in the same sentence. When it's cold outside around here it's generally cold inside too. This calls for extra measures to be taken ... extra measures such as wearing socks to bed. Well poop. Now I have to choose between soft feet and warm feet. Ugh, I really dread taking off my warm socks and climbing into a coooold bed but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
Second to my dilemma, I go to bed much later than my husband. It's usually lights out for him around 11:30 but I stay up, on the computer and watching TV, until around 1:00 AM or later depending on how wired I am. The problem? I've yet to find a way to put the foot cream on without disturbing his sleep. First off, where should I sit to apply my foot cream? If I sit on the bed I wake him up as I
Oh, what to do, what to do? I figure I'm going to wake him up anyway so I might as well play it safe and sit on the side of the bed, and hope for the best. The best being I don't wake him up. The next best being he wakes up but turns over and goes right back to sleep. The worst ... well, I won't go into details but it ends with a grumpy, overly tired husband ... one who ends up snoozing his alarm clock 467 times the next morning.
On to the next hurdle ... opening the tube of foot cream. There's no easy way to do it without it making a LOUD popping sound. I guess to a sleeping person it's tantamount to the cork from a champagne bottle going off. Pow!, In a relatively quiet room this sufficiently startles even the soundest of sleepers. Oh good grief. At this point I just pat him on the back and say, "what? Did you have a bad dream?"
Once I've applied the miracle foot cream the third and final hurdle presents itself - getting my cold, greasy feet under the sheets without once again disturbing my back-to-sleep husband. The getting in bed is not the hard part, it's what I do after I'm between the sheets that is ...
Stop! Get your mind out of the gutter.
The problem? I don't know about you but when I have cold feet I have this overwhelming urge to attach them to whatever warmth I can find. That would, of course, be the warm backside of my husband. It's like his body is a magnet and my feet are being pulled to him and it takes every ounce of will power that I can muster to not assail him with cold feet. But most of the time I don't and it's not because I'm a sweet loving wife. Nope, it's more because even the manliest of men does NOT like cold feet touching him, ESPECIALLY not at night, and ESPECIALLY not on a cold night when he is snuggled, warm under the covers fast asleep. To do so is only inviting said husband to take revenge ... do I need to repeat the line above about snoozing the alarm THAT STARTS GOING OFF AT FIVE %^&* THIRTY IN THE MORNING?!?!
Now I know what many of you are thinking, I could just forego the nightly slathering of foot cream. Or, even more reasonable, I could actually go to bed at a decent hour and take care of all this before he falls asleep. But then, where is the fun in all that? And what, pray tell, would I have to blog about?