Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Self Reflection

Yesterday I was looking on Facebook and saw a photo a friend had posted of themself along with another person who was a casual acquaintance from way back in the day. I'm ashamed to admit that my first thought upon seeing said-acquaintance was, "wow!" And for the record that was not a complimentary "wow." It immediately hit me hard when my next thought was, "I wonder if that's what people say about me when they see what I look like now?" Sadly, I'm pretty sure it is.

I was always the tall, skinny kid growing up. All through college and my 20's I managed to remain "slender" and in fact, there were periods in my life where I was painfully thin. When I got married at twenty-nine I only weighed ninety-eight pounds soaking wet. Marriage, two kids, and life in general changed all that. Now I look at photos of myself and wonder, "where did that fat cow come from?"

To add insult to injury my hair has gone the opposite direction and is now noticeably thin. It's in the genes of my mother's family. In addition to no longer having lush and shiny hair I'm also seeing grey. There were times in my younger days when I added streaks of lightener to my hair, now the streaks are there naturally. My mother always referred to me as her blonde haired child. As often happens when one gets older, the blonde turned to dirty blonde and then light brown. She always wanted my hair to revert back to it's childhood color and I guess that's what nature is doing now,  though it's not so much blonde as it is grey, almost white. I currently look in the mirror and wonder, "where did that old lady come from?"

Lately I've been battling under-eye-bags. Where did those come from and what the heck caused them? We're not even going to talk about the unwanted facial hair, age spots, wrinkles, sagging chin and boobs, and arm flab. I look in the mirror and don't even recognize the person looking back at me.

People say you shouldn't be critical of your body because it is a creation of God and everything God makes is perfect. Unfortunately it's a known fact that man (or woman in this case) can really screw up what God has created. In my defense I am being critical of what I've done to myself or allowed to happen, not the initial package. There are things I do and many more that I don't do that has led me down this path of self destruction. Some of it can be "fixed" but unfortunately a lot of it is here to stay.

If I don't want people seeing photos of me and thinking, "wow!" then it's time for me to step up and do something about it. The question is, do I have the gumption and will power to follow through? Hmmm, where to start?


  1. Try weigh watchers. It comes off a little slower but has the highest success rate on keeping it off.. You can't truly love someone else until you love yourself. I believe in you.

  2. What you see when you look in the mirror is not what your friends see when they look at you. We think you are beautiful.

  3. ah Pam, you're too sweet! Thanks