Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Anyone else lost their waist?

Yesterday Eddie came out of the bathroom with his pants hiked up to his armpits. I wanted to tell him he looked like Steve Urkel but I didn't because 1) I'm not sure he would know who that is and b) I wasn't sure if he was playing around or being serious. It's one thing to ridicule your own kid, but it's another thing to do so to someone else's.

He quickly put my concerns to rest by laughing hysterically and exclaiming, "this sure is uncomfortable!" He then proceeded to quiz me on the location of his waist. According to him his friends say it's above your belly button but he thinks it's right below. I told him I didn't know because mine had disappeared years ago but as far as I concerned it could be anywhere you wanted it to be.

I surmised he was trying to figure out how his pants should ride so I told him that traditionally women wore their pants up to their waist and men below. (Of course that doesn't help if you don't know where your waist is.) I will admit though that my traditional thoughts are years out of date seeing as how most women's pants these days are what I call "low-riders" ie they are made to sit well below the belly button.  

Hmph! I guess I can officially be called an old woman because I despise these low-rider pants. My dislike comes from two different stances - those pants on me and those pants on others.

Let's talk about others first. To me the only thing worse than seeing a woman's butt crack is seeing a man's, but both are pretty unappealing.  Also, seeing skin about the waist line is equally unappealing in about 90% of women. There's always those stick thin people who look ok but the rest have what is commonly known as a muffin top. Whether they are clothed or bare, muffin tops are not attractive ... period.

I know many women will claim that pants are uncomfortable if they fit tight around the waist. And I agree. But, for me the answer isn't to go to low riders, it's to go up a waist size .... something most women would rather chew off their own arm than do.

So here we are with stance two, why low-riders don't work for me. Over the years I've developed the dreaded apple-shaped figure. Yes, I'm round in the middle. If I wear pants that sit below my waist, as the day goes on, they slide further and further down the bottom side of the apple. I'm constantly hiking them up and frankly live in fear that at some point they're just going to fall down around my ankles.

That is not a sight anyone needs to witness. Ever.

Now I guess you're wondering if I shared all this with Eddie. The answer is no - not because it would be inappropriate or anything but mainly because I never know when conversations I have with Eddie are going to turn around and (excuse the expression) bite me in the butt later. I can see it now - Eddie's mom gets a note from his teacher wanting to know why Eddie is referring to her muffin top and telling her she's wearing the wrong size pants. I can promise you this, when questioned about it he will promptly throw me under the bus and say, "Mrs. Sherri said it!"

Besides, I don't really think he cares one iota about my pants or girls pants, he's just trying to figure out guys pants. Obviously he's been thinking about this because he told me he preferred wearing jeans to his uniform pants because they feel better in the stride (yes, he actually used the term stride). Anyway, I think I see where this is going ... eventually he's going to want to venture into the realm of wearing his pants below his butt-cheeks, a terrible, horrible fad that won't go away. I know his mother well enough that it won't fly in her house but that's not to say he won't at least try to push that button. And if he does, good friend that I am, I will probably sit back and snicker ... because, yes I've already gone down that road! I can give her hope though, that they will all live through it and it will be one of those things that years later she can look back on and laugh  ... and the rebellious child will exclaim, "what was I thinking?"

Now if only all the females out there with their muffin tops and butt-cracks will ask themselves the same thing ... now!

1 comment:

  1. What gets me is the attractive girls in low riding jeans that show off their lovely tramp stamps above their rear.